I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
