I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
