I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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