I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
