I can tuck mytits in my pants
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
