i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
