So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this just has baby written all over it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
