hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hippo gnu deer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
