How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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