she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
