I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
