Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
