Duck Duck Cougar?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
