lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
