I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
