I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
