you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
