...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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