Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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