Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
