A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
