It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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