Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
