Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
