I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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