I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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