my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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