I CAN MOONWALK!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
