I got chris browned last night
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
