im drinking this country out of the recession.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
