She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
