There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
