Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
