We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
