Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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