your thong is hanging out like whoa
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
