Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
