Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
