Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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