A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
