He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
