I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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