She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
