Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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