its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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