I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
