i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
false alarm, still single
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
