cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
