HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
