So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
