i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
