Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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