if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
