just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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